Maybe We'll Always Do Things Scared, And That's Fine

Today, I managed to lead a group call meeting without my wavering voice or self-defeating thoughts gnawing at my mind by the minute. Well, not at first.

It'd be only five minutes left before I'm expected to start the call and I immediately faltered, palms cupping my hands in a torpedoing storm of doubts that I am just not qualified enough to lead them.

But hesitantly, I embraced these thoughts. Maybe, I told myself, Maybe I'm not qualified to lead them for now. But then, they can discredit my credibility, but certainly not my effort to build it. As long as I'm trying and doing my best to accommodate others and ask for help when it's available, I should be fine.

I clicked Video Call on our Microsoft Teams chat, and there I was, at ease while conversing with my group mates, some of who were luckily my friends already, but still, the strength it took to show up despite my fear, my shaking hands and half-studied ideas, is a memory that I'd like to treasure.

After all, where do big changes start if not from small dares to believe in yourself, every once in a while?