heh

im actually so fucking funny its insane. i love myself so much and if i wasnt me im sure that id be head over heels with myself heh...... this is definitely true....

i was so in love a few weeks ago but now im scared she wont like me anymore because i smile too much when i see her or i dont laugh enough or ii dont talk enough or i talk too much or whatever. im just scared ill be alone if she leaves me. nobody else ive been friends with has ever spent thsi much time with me and i always thougbt that your interactions with others should be kept to a minimum lest you get attatched or they start to drift away for some reason. all my close friends have always been far from me in one way or another but she's always with me. we're in the same classes and everything so it's not hard to meet up. 

tbh i was thinking about how jealous i feel. its not that jealous but i just wish it was me. her looks her personality and she has many friends. i suppose theyre family friends but she still has lots of people and she's talented and /cool and everything. i only have them and if we fell out im pretty much alone. but she's had friends since year 7. my only other friend likes to get high and run away but i id do that too if i were her. 

im so worried about mocks and i literally haven't done anythijg at all. i mean i have done questions and questions but today i genuinely did nothing. a week out of my two weeks has been spent doing buttt fuck nothijg and it scares me. youd think maybe since i wasnt studying i was doing other productive things. no i didnt even brush my teeth or take a shower or anything.

eugh i dont like the way im talking. its robotic and it feels like i dont know how to speak english.

no matter what i do i can never shake the heavy feeling on my chest. except for the fact that i havent done anything about it.

yesterday was a momentous occassion.....i dont have to do therapy anymore!!!!!!!!!!life wont suck anymore and that shit was such a waste of time.

i miss them but i dont know what to do. she loves me she loves me not she loves me she loves me not.................i guess we'll never know