ABBA - If It Wasn't For The Nights

ABBA - If It Wasn't For The Nights

I'm trying to type this blog post, but Grammarly attacks me when I haven't finished a sentence. I know it's not written well. I'm still typing. Every little thing makes me want to explode, but I can't actually explode, so instead, I am stuck feeling like I will. I swear, new issues are emerging just to make me upset. Thanks a lot. I don't appreciate it.

This song was on repeat when coping turned into an everyday necessity. I'm unsure what makes this song so attractive, but it could be that nights are also hard for me. There's also the fact that ABBA makes incredibly addictive songs. When the sun sets, distractions shortly follow. I can't avoid whatever is bothering me. I must sit in it with nowhere to turn. I suck at coping. I've tried numerous recommendations, but they all suck. I'm likely to be more triggered after trying these methods. I'm so upset all the time and have been for so long. I know I've grown tired because I am starting to fail at masking it. My mom asked if I was okay yesterday. She's typically one to be/play oblivious. I shaved off my eyebrows, and she didn't notice until a month later. What I'm getting at is, it must be bad if she's noticing. I'm just over everything.

I think I am increasingly frustrated as I don't have any answers. Perhaps it's a bit silly of me to think there are any. Maybe there is no "here's what's wrong with you" plaque with a "here's the solution" sticky note stuck on. I think it might be safe to say, "I've given up." Not in a "I'm going to leave the server" type of give up. It's past that. I don't even care to leave. So, so over it, but this isn't therapy, and I, therefore, should stop getting so far into things.

Anyways. I like this song. It's a comfort song for me.

There's a comfort in speaking towards the void, but there are also feelings of irrelevancy. Of course, I am irrelevant. That's not a bad thing, but it doesn't always feel good. Irrelevancy is quite comfortable, though. Knowing no one will see what I say. I think that can be nice.