I wish you still loved me

I have seen the texts between you and her. The ones where you opened up so much more to a girl you barely knew rather than just telling me, who was the girl you were in love with. So in love with that you promised to spend forever with me, to marry me, and to always love me and never give up no matter what. I saw the things you said. The private things that you had no right to tell, the things you over exaggerated for no reason but to make me look so much worse than I already thought I did. The reasons you never expressed with me but that you have so much ease sharing with her. It hurts, and a lot. I thought I could trust you, I thought you were different, but I forgot that you are just a guy. I saw the random girls you followed, I see how you act perfectly fine without me. And part of me really believes that you never loved me at all. Part of me thinks that you just saw me as a filler for your life, someone who you knew would always be there for you, waiting for you like a puppy waits for their owner. You knew that I had fallen so irrevocably in love with you that I'd spend all my money on you, I would change plans for you, I would ignore friends to fill your alone time. Yet, part of me still yearns for everything about you. Part of me still wants to believe that I am just overthinking everything. That you didn't see me as just a girl who you could use for your own pleasures, mentally or physically.