I can't move on

I don't want to move on. Not just because I know I can't, or because I know you were my first love so even making an attempt to forget you is pointless. But because everything lined up with us. I know in the end with all the fighting and all the arguing that you lost hope, but I know you would've loved the girl that I was when you first met me.

You met me when I was at my best in life. When I was sober, sleeping well, eating well, and finally feeling like life was worth living. But you also met me at the start of the biggest downfall of my entire life. And you got to know that version of me. The version that didn't want to live, that could barely stay sober, that got no sleep and was too drained to actually help herself. I know it's mostly my fault. 

So just stay, not because I know that I can't live without you, but because we have so much history, and it would be so much easier to work things out than having to relearn so much about someone I will never be able to love as much as I love you. It would be so much easier restarting and changing with you than having to find someone who isn't you and tell them things that you already know.