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I redownloaded tiktok again since the little "break" I had a few weeks ago didn't actually help me with my internet addiction, and it's still just as bad as it was beforehand.
I said I wouldn't redownload tiktok, but then I did, and now I'm paying for it by wasting half the fucking day by just scrolling through my "For You" page and procrastinating on cleaning my room for days on end nonstop, and now my mom's pissed because there's laundry everywhere.
Literally had a mental breakdown on Saturday over this shit and now my parents aren't taking it seriously.
I hate my fucking life.
I hate myself so much.
WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THIS???
[Insert me internally screaming my ass off lol]
What's honestly fucked up though is that during my break, I was actually feeling a lot better than I was while I was online. No mood swings, no spiraling thoughts (at least, not as often), nothing. Most of my mentally ill traits just vanished out of nowhere, and it felt great.
Maybe I do need my devices taken away for a bit..
Oh well, at least I checked out some books from the library today to read (and I hope I actually read them all and not just put them off for days and days because of my fucked up attention span lmao. didn't check out as many as I did last time so hopefully I should be good)
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Holster
uninstall tik tok and stop with short form content
if u got to the point where u do it while actively hating it and its harmful to you then it's an addiction
it's the same with heroin
delete it
never think of it ever again
get into more slow mediums for a start if u want to not feel the need of it ever again
like old 90s and 80s movies
but intresting enough to hold ur attention
I suggest Boyz n the Hood for a start
(this is js my 2 cents)
(TL;DR: Not super helpful, but thank you for the advice anyway. )
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That's kind of the thing, I've tried.
Infact it was the very first thing I did when I went on my "break".
And yes I'm aware it's an addiction-- even got a book from the library that talks about all kinds of addictions just to confirm that it is. And I just wish people actually tried to help me out of it.
But unfortunately, we live in a society that actively encourages you to be on your phone 24/7/365 non-stop, and everyone in my home is constantly on their screens just about as much as me.
Just to give you an idea on that: My sister and mom watch those fuckass r/entitledkaren reddit stories on youtube when my dad is asleep or at work, my sister watches youtube shorts and chats on c.ai (and before you freak out: no, she's not one of those users, she just mostly roleplays homicide with the bots-- at least as far as i'm aware), my mom scrolls on facebook reels, and her, my sister, and my dad play this game called "huuuge casino" together at around 6pm (not actual gambling, but given how they usually spend hours on that game it might as well be)
So you can imagine the stress I felt while I was literally forcing myself to go cold-turkey on the internet because it was basically reversing my efforts, plus with the weather having been shit at the time, I couldn't really go anywhere, I was basically stuck in my house most of the time.
Might try again next week (except this time i'll try to make sure the rest of my family reduces their screen time since that was what made quitting so difficult. Also planning to learn to play the guitar as a hobby since i think it's badass, gonna start Friday since that's when my older sister's lending me her guitar until I feel ready to start using an electric, i'm excited asf)
I did end up learning in that book that internet addiction (which is what I'm going through) falls under behavioral addiction, so if you have any advice on that, I will gladly take it.
PS, thanks 4 the movie suggestion, might check it out sometime (I'm starting to get into 80's movies since the 80's became my new hyperfixiation. Current favorite movies are "Breakfast Club" and "Footloose"). :D
by NozomiKaizoku; ; Report
there isn't much of an advice I can give you honestly
I was in a similar situation but my solution was old movies
and I don't know how to say it idk any other solution rather then the straightforward one
ig you can limit yourself gradually but u idk if your in that deep of a shit to warrant doing that
ig other advice i can give is to just ignore all fomos and focus on ur thing
and my thing was starting a digital music library and movie library and wtv
other then that idk how else to put it
just take action
by Holster; ; Report