if you don't know the formula, you wont get it right

Sometimes life isn't ready for the happy part, so when you are happy, it will send you crashing down. the higher the sky scraper you are on, the more you will fall.

my teacher was talking about math and how if you don't write the formula down, you'll get it wrong. If you don't remember the formula, you'll get it wrong. She tells the people who do get it wrong how to do it correctly and they just don't listen. They don't change. And that they have to learn from their mistakes. One thing I never realized. It hit me hard because I know I messed up. I made a mistake. But I didn't know. Oh, how I wish I knew. The worst part is that I fear that even if I knew, I still wouldn't learn. I think I would just think it will pass, and either way, I have no idea how to fix it. I didn't realize how much it was affecting my relationship. I didn't realize that it was hurting him. I never really remembered the formula so I kept getting it wrong. I kept getting worse and in turn, he kept getting worse.

losing him made me realize that if I don't remember the formula and learn from my mistakes, I will never be able to do it right. I will never be able to fix myself, and--- potentially--- our relationship. He broke up with me because he thought both of us were the problem. But I think otherwise. Sure, I admit, he wasn't perfect. But ultimately, I am still the one who didn't get any better.

I just wish you knew. I wish you knew that it's killing me. I hate myself for hurting you. I know you don't want me in your life anymore and I am sorry that I just can't leave. I love you too much.

anyway, don't be a stranger.