Entry #75

life is in an awkward spot right now. decided to try and take different methods of taking my anger out on things as i decided to try using smash bros as an outlet. i know it sounds corny and stuff, but its actually really helpful. and also dead or alive, i think just fighting games in general help me. overwatch sometimes, but most of the time it just makes me even more angry. but i was talking to my dad maybe 2 days ago, asking him for a pair of headphones since i dont like earbuds because i want to listen to music on my sandisk. he gets all condescending on me, being like "well what happened to those 300 dollar jbl headphones i got you?" mind you he bought me those like 3 years ago. and its like, what the fuck do you think? everything in our fucking house goes missing for years, maybe if we got rid of a bunch of the fucking shit we have i might be able to fucking find my worthless fucking headphones. and its not even like im asking for a good pair of fucking headphones, i just want something from the fucking dollar store or 5 below so i can fucking listen to music without using my GAMING HEADSET OR WORTHLESS EARBUDS THAT DONT FIT IN MY EAR. so whatever, that starts a whole argument with my mom and i start like freaking out so i just go to my room. i invite my mom to help me clean my room to find the headphones, and my dad seems to have calm down. though he looks in my room and all the clothes on my floor and bed and is like "this rooms a mess" and its like yeah fucking idiot im literally cleaning my fucking room at the minute i dont fucking need your input when im literally DOING SOMETHING about it. and then i tell him that the hinge isnt attached on my door on the bottom BECAUSE WHEN HE GAVE ME MY DOOR BACK HE DIDNT FUCKING PUT A BOLT IN IT. AND THEN HE BITCHES AT ME BEING LIKE WHERES THE FUCKING BOLT AND IM LIKE I DONT FUCKING KNOW BRO YOU DIDNT PUT ONE IN AND HE JUST STARTS BITCHING AND BITCHING AND IM LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD BRO IM GONNA KILL MYSELF. but then he just leaves, comes back and gives a fucking rude remark being like "maybe u and ur mom can fucking clean ur fucking room and find a bolt" how about i fucking kill myself in front of you to make you regret everything you fucking said to me i hate my fucking life so much i just want to die out of anger. and i love my dad a whole lot, but its like the littlest things just make him blow up on me and makes me feel like i cant ask him for help with ANYTHING without being afraid of him getting mad at me. but whatever. i dont need his help anyway. i dont need anyones help, ill just fucking do everything myself like i always had, fail in life, and then have everyone ask what went wrong? you know what fucking went wrong? the fact i was BORN. i was set for failure FROM THE FUCKING START WITH THIS HORRIBLE FAMILY IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE. I HATE MY LIFE. i dont care anymore. tomorrow is another day.