The Chronicles of Being Friend Zoned

Surprise surprise, I was pretty much friend zoned by the guy I've like for two years, but I think I'm starting to be okay with it. Since February, I've been trying to, for lack of better words, get over this guy and I hate to admit that it wasn't easy for many reasons. Prior to meeting this guy, my "type" and the people I attracted were shitty, cowardly, disingenuous dudes who convinced me that that was all I was deserving of; a shitty boyfriend who'd always make me feel bad about myself. But this guy wasn't like that at all, he's kind and confident and honest, and he made me feel so good about me and my potential that I started to really think about my future. I know that may sound a bit much, but no one who I had a romantic interest with ever made me feel content with who I am, and I never even saw that being a possibility for me. But from the short time I got to know this guy, I had never felt more confident about making changes in my life. 

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to say that I was willing to make changes for him and it's all thanks to him that I feel assured in myself now, it's more so; he made me find something that was inside of me this whole time that I never saw in myself. He was the first one to see it, and because of that, I became so distressed thinking he'd be the only good person who'd see it. I started telling myself that it was all a waste, our conversations, our dates, our time together was all a waste because in the end, he wasn't looking for a relationship. Everything about our situation felt right, which made me think I'd never be able to find a connection that felt right again. 

However, now I'm left with the remaining knowledge of there is a nurturing, sincere, secure love out there that is deserving of me. It might not be him, it might be someone I haven't even met, regardless, I know for certain that my standards are not high and meeting him solidified that. In the end, I am sad that my time with him was so short lived, but I'm glad that this was the conclusion I came to. Besides, as much as I am tooting this guy's horn, I know now that it's not selfish of me to want better. Like I deserve someone who actually keeps their word or someone who's willing to make time for me. 

To end off, I also realized that missing him and not seeing him made no difference in my life, what I mean by that is my life continued. I still get to enjoy my work environment, I still get to go home and see my lovely roommates, I still get to go out with my friends, I still get to see my family all together, I still get to make memories with the people that I love. And having a romantic partner isn't gonna make my life better. Everything that I have is what makes me whole, my family, my friends, my students, my mentors, my peers, my home, my community, my love. As much as I will continue to crave romantic intimacy with someone, I know there is someone out there who'll quelch that craving. But for now, I'm still young, and I have so much to learn and so much love around me. Although I did get close, the right connection that is deserving of me to yet to be found, but I'm in no rush of finding it. 

Thanks to this guy for giving me a new persective <3