prom

so prom is soon. probably pretty obvious but im a trans guy. i always kinda pictured myself in a suit at prom. i just cant see myself wearing anything else and the few times ive tried on something feminine in recent years its like looking at a completely different person. its not that distressing when im just alone in my room, until i think about other people seeing me like this and calling me a girl or thinking ive gotten over my “phase”. so i rlly dont dress feminine like at all. but my mom always wanted a daughter and i think its disappointing to her that her one chance at one turned out the way i did. not that its really my fault. anyways i bought a dress to make my mom happy. i kinda keep getting this horrible pit in my stomach whenever i think about putting it on, leaving the house in it, other people seeing me in it. its not even that it looks bad, i just dont know who im looking at. but it doesnt matter cause im wearing it anyway, i will just avoid mirrors.

all my friends are cis girls (and one gay guy) and its not their fault but they really dont get it. i dont even mention it anymore cause it just makes everyone uncomfortable to acknowledge im not the same as them. being gay is fine but being trans is “too much”. sorry for being too emo but im the only trans person i know so if i dont say it here then i will never say it anywhere. 

shoutout to my homegirl who helped me buy a binder though. xoxo