heartbreak

i pinned our messages on instagram the second i downloaded the app so i could see them every time i opened it. but now that we don’t talk anymore, i still see our messages first. however i can’t bring myself to unpin our chat. so ill just stare at your profile picture and wait for you to text me. you won’t.

you posted a story today with another friend. our friend. that isn’t me. you were at the mall. that was our thing. i stared at your story for at least 10 minutes, waiting for myself to magically appear in the pictures, posing and laughing with you. but i never did.

you dyed your hair a few days ago. without telling me. it looks good. but i wasn’t there with you. you didn’t even tell me you wanted to dye your hair. i didn’t know. i found out when you changed your profile picture. the same one i stare at every day, waiting.

and as i lay in bed at 11:00 pm on a friday night, staring at the face of the girl i’ve known all my life and never thought i would ever live without, i ask myself, “why?” why do you not talk to me anymore? why have you left me? but the one question that burns in my mind most of all, is “is this what heartbreak is?”