i have secluded my mind and my heart refuses to feel anything anymore.

Rage. A feeling so intense, it makes my entire body flush with heat. Once a rare emotion that only came out in the most dire of situations. But recently, it has been so prominent. I have massive purple bruises and discoloration on my legs from it now. All the pain, hurt, utter desperation, and sadness have built up to the point I cannot contain my emotions. 

My mind has given up on painting a sweet and kind persona. What once was, will never exist again. Is this extreme switch in my personality not enough for you to know that I am dying? I am losing the last bit of yellow-ish orange warmth in me. The soft spot I had for life is slowly fading away the longer my life goes on.

I cannot blame anyone but myself. I allow myself to feel too much and stand up for myself too little. All the fighting and break downs, all the yelling, my standoffish attitude. I have come to the realization that I will no longer be as kind as I used to be. I am no longer interested in sharing my life stories, joking with random strangers in hopes to make friends, I am no longer interested in being kind. 

I have secluded my mind and my heart refuses to feel anything anymore.