i don't want to get physical

i wish i didn't have a body. lately i've been feeling a little lost and confused and everywhere i go i see people talking about s3x and about people they find hot and body parts they find hot and i can't really relate. i'm thinking i may be asexual. or demisexual at least. i don't really get people that say someone is hot and they want to fvck them. i thought i did. but if i see someone that looks good i'm thinking that yes they're "hot" and good looking but that's it. i feel like i have to get to know the person first to be actually into getting physical with them. and also i feel like i have to relate to people when they're talking about being intimate but idk now. i just don't want to think about it. i thought i was asexual before but then i thought i wasn't cause i was h0rny really often and now i am still but i realized i don't really think about myself being in situations like that when i'm doing anything. or maybe i am thinking about myself i don't really know. but thinking about myself doens't mean i want to do certain things irl. oh God this feels really weird, to publish it but i don't have anyone to talk about this so fvck that nobody knows me here anyway. 

i don't actually know what i want.