people

lately it feels a bit easier to feel less anxious about seeing my friends or possible missing out on what theyve been up to. i used to feel so scared of not being present at important moments with my friends because then i wouldnt felt like i belonged with them. had those thoughts racing in my head for nearly a whole week, yet i didnt let those thoughts stop me from having fun being on my own for a while. 

last night i spent the whole day just enjoying my time by myself, albeit a bit sad that i didnt have anyone text me. then i had two people text me at nearly the same time, and i assumed that they probably went out with some of my other friends too. one of those people kept talking to me and my heart was racing out of anxiety the whole time. after a while i calmed down though, i did have fun talking to that person.

i guess it feels a little lighter on my back. the anxiety doesnt go away but after a while, i have fun. i still got a lot of work to do when it comes to talking to friends and going out.