The moon is beautiful tn (closure)

Why do I carry it on with nasir ? I can't have a normal Convo without him saying something and being reminded "yeah I act a certain we due to him" but he has hurt me I mean kind of but he showed I guess actual love and interest. All this is stupid to hold onto and if I do hold onto it that'll be on my own time and in private not where anyone else knows , no blogs , no venting , nothing . 

I did mess up and talk to him today I don't know I just kind of craved at least hearing his voice but then I thought how it would make ty upset and shi even a few others upset like almost a relapse. I won't lie though I did start crying in both a good and bad way , good cause I missed his voice , I missed hearing him say my name or question if I'm ok and need anything, bad cause I hate him for leaving me , I hate how I was "immature" or wasn't his type , I hate how not matter how hard I tried to cover up my past or trauma and not get triggered but things u still judged me at times and said he could never handle me or love me again .

It's not good to keep coming back to you it hurts me yet fills something inside me a little . I can't keep doing it . I really do only wish the best for you , maybe in another life time I'll be able to see your handsome smile and hear your stupid laugh you have again but for now it's over . You've already brought yourself to closure and I've been dreading holding on I have to do the same at some point I can't keep on . Please take care of yourself I truly do love you and will