#19 play

something i realize again and again is that. i dont allow myself to, idk, "play"? like just do things for fun and waste time and. i mean i do these things to some degree but. idk. NOT enough.

im Always doing something "useful" – or trying to – chores, research, exercise, socialization... or!! creative things. which!! i dont do nearly enough, i need to do it much much more often, even in therapy we've discussed how it should be a priority for me bc it energizes fulfills me etc and YET i still keep postponing creativity and doing other "more important" things.

but!! even those creative things are usually like... stuff with lots of effort and whatnot. a lot of thought going into it. idk??

and GOD i neeeed to "play" more – literally play video games or something, do useless projects, rewatch fav anime (and... watch anime more in general), read manga, read fanfiction... these things count as "play" in my head and ig help me connect w my inner child (and, help me connect with a(?) specific inner part/alter that keeps asking to "play" more). and i just. continue doing it only rarely!!