Bleeding Out

A Love Story That Wasn't Meant to Be

That feeling that doesn't go away just did.
For me, love was always meant to be something pure, something full of warmth. Artur and I, we had this thing, this connection I thought was unbreakable. I don’t know when it started, or how it happened, but one day he was all I could think about. I was constantly lost in the way his presence made me feel, the way he’d look at me, and the way we fit together, effortlessly. There was a time when I was convinced that I had found something real.

But as quickly as it all came, it slipped away, and I was left to pick up the pieces. I never asked for much, just a little honesty, a little trust. And yet, with every passing day, the cracks in our bond widened. God knows, I’m not dying but I bleed now.
I watched him change. Slowly at first. He started dressing differently, taking more care with his appearance. At first, I thought maybe he was just growing, evolving, and I was happy for him. But it didn’t take long for me to realize the truth. He was slipping away. He was falling for someone else, or at least that’s what I think. What else could explain the shift? The late-night messages that stopped coming, the distance between us that grew wider with each day.

And here I am, alone. No boyfriend, no Artur, nobody to love and no one to love me. I don’t know when love became a curse instead of the beautiful thing it’s supposed to be. I’m stuck in this loop, caught between what I had and the emptiness I feel now. With all the blood I lost with you, it drowns the love I thought I knew.
I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. I keep falling for this delusion, a love that was never truly mine. It’s like I’m drowning in it, in the idea of what could have been, in the memories that now feel like nothing more than a fantasy. And yet, I can’t let go. And God knows, it’s the only way to heal now, with all the blood I lost with you.

I hate love. I hate the way it makes me feel. But deep down, there’s a part of me that still wants it, still craves it, even though I know it’s the thing that’s slowly tearing me apart. I wish I could forget him. I wish I could forget the way he made me feel, the way he made me believe in something greater. But I can’t. And so here I am, alone, lost, and bleeding out.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop loving him, even though I know it’s not the same for him anymore. It’s the cruelest thing, this love that lingers when you’re the only one who’s still holding on to it.

And maybe that's the part I hate the most: the fact that I keep loving, even when I know it’s gone.

- Onnaya