obsession

obsession | noun

• the state of being obsessed with someone or something.

you are obsessive to a fault. you obsess over that, too. friends and family and plans and control spin around your head like a tornado stuck on repeat. you assume everyone else is as obsessive as you, then obsess over it when they aren’t. you obsess over being seen. you obsess over being heard. you obsess over text messages, and phone calls, and spotify listening histories. you know it’s wrong, and you obsess over that. you do not admit this to anyone, as saying it out loud is admitting you have a problem. saying it out loud makes it real. you will obsess yourself to death and you will never make it real. they will write lover on your tombstone, and you will obsess over that even in your grave. is it really love if it’s involuntary on your end?