Day 17 of appearing on late night tv for the 2nd time

Lowkey feeling conflicted... I gotta talk to people about these things more and a lot of people say they're open to it but i just never take anyone up. I've said that I'd be there for those people. I'm just unfair to myself all the time I think. I put up this facade of someone pompous and egotistical because i don't want people to know I Hatr myself or that I struggle with anything. I feel like Squidward with the cup, shaking it. Idk I'll pour myself into my writing and maybe some day I'll be comfortable opening up to people about my struggles.

Happy trans day of visibility btw!! Sorry for the fucking heavy note to start things off with, damn.

Reading - I read Malcolm X again and I could peel myself away once again. It's too good. It's so inspiring. In the part I read Malcolm spoke more about reading, that's how he got his education, learning from books of all kinds and he was also into debating. I kinda want to dust off the old debating skills and get into that again someday. Reading that chapter, I was as inspired as I was when i started debating and when I started this blog. I'm really loving this book.

Learn - I try to read an article a day and the news too. Today I read about this woman who started walking as a form of exercise, it wasn't a very good article but like one thing she mentioned was that she couldn't find exercise that suited her because it was torturous or something. Valid I guess but she mentioned that gym memberships are expensive as well as the fact that she started walking because it was cheap and that's kinda true. Like to walk costs nothing. That's kind of something that I've always found odd like health and fitness is behind a paywall, processed foods are cheaper than healthier food and enough vegetables are produced to feed all the people who buy them plus those who can't afford them but all those extra vegetables are wasted because they don't fit grocery standards and a lot of the produce that falls below that are still edible. Anyway back to fitness, equipment and gym memberships are behind a paywall and you can exercise free but it's significantly more difficult to adjust a routine or regiment when you're doing it free.

Draw - my drawing is getting better, I can sense it but today was not it. I didn't Draw well today but I'll get there eventually. Specifically my line quality is improving a lot. Maybe I'll share my art some day but not now. I keep getting lazy.

Cards - im becoming decent at card tricks! I want to be the best though. Ricky Jay level. That will take lots of training which I do. I practiced for an hour today. I go until my hands hurt and the stuff I'm working on required arm work, moving packs of cards from one hand to the other in seamless ways and the first one requires you to move your arm and almost throw the packet of cards in the other hand but you need to keep it together so it doesn't fly everywhere, it's a very intricate small Jerking motion. The second one is so difficult but DAMN! it is rewarding. You have to peel off a packet with one finger and let it fall into that hand as you swivel it and you need to keep your grip loose enough that you catch it but tight Enough that the cards don't fall out. Today I learned one of my least favorite cuts but it's impressive to look at and I've gotten the hang of it.

Language - I did more Spanish. Perfect streak for all of March btw. 64 days. Finally done with the dumb school topic. I still forgot to watch that Language video and do immersion but tomorrow I will.

Media - I watched a near 3 hour movie called Yi Yi and it was so peak but I need to rewatch and reevaluate and soak everything in... might be my new taxi driver/the graduate. I need to learn everything about this movie that I can and I will!!! Mark my words! I finished season 3 of Community btw. Those two episodes were the heist one, I love a good heist and then also the one where Troy does air conditioning. I love when Troy does something he's good at like that because he's not just some dumb idiot, he's a skilled worker in a field that's looked down upon but is actually really intricate. Respect your plumbers! Respect your repairman! Or don't, they don't care because they solo you in a cash spread or if they don't, they will in 5 years. Telling you now the down and dirty blue collar workers like that will be rich someday.

Ramble - the rambler. I don't know what to say actually.  I want to watch more TV ig. It's a world that intrigues me. I've always wanted to be the guy who knows about film and tv and which actors did what which writers wrote what. I do that well Enough in a small circle like esp with breaking bad/better call saul actors and Seinfeld too, like i could tell you Jason Alexander was in coneheads along with Michael Richards but not much else. I think I just need to watch more movies and more tv and see what actors are in what else and watch those as well as late night TV. You see a comedian or some or other famous figure on a late night show, he's relatively unknown you'd say but then this celebrity knows him and this one too and this one and you realize his connections to the scene stretch far and wide. Like mitch hedberg was on that 70s show, Bill burr even spoke about him but yeah I want to know more about television and film and stuff.

Anyway, good night! Gotta sleep nice and early to wake up early again. My sleep schedule which I thought was rigid is slipping.