College is for contemplation

At least to me. I don't feel like talking to anyone at college, everyone seems to be so boring on the outside that i don't even try talking to them. Besides, college is for listening to lectures and then walking alone to the bus stop and taking a long bus trip back home while listening to music. Actually, listening to music is all day. I just love music and my ears are probably permanently damaged by earphones and loud music, I just don't know it yet. Also, everytime someone else from my class is walking with me to the bus stop, I can't be listening to music so I can listen to them if they try to start a conversation and I don't look rude. It's really anoying to me because I forget about this rule and put the earphone back and then suddenly they're saying something and I have to pretend I heard what they said when I'm clearly clueless but I don't want to look rude so I agree or smile and laugh everytime.

This socializing thing is still very awkward for me that spent 3 years talking to the same people and not still needing to put the earphones away anyway. Friends you're comfortable with are so much better, they understand you and don't try to change you because they like you just the way you are (Bruno Mars behaviour). When my class discovered that my nickname on the class' group chat was a "boys name" they thought it was weird even though it's just my surname and that people usually call me that. Talking about names, now that I'm in a different space where people don't know me, they call me by my first name, which I haven't been called since I was a kid (despite my mom and relatives) so it's super weird for me because I'm not familiar with that in a long time, but I think it's better than people calling me by my surname and thinking I'm trans (I'm not trans OR transphobic by the way, I just got some transphobic comments because people thought I was trans and that was super weird, also it's weird to explain that everytime someone meets me by my surname).

I driffted off the point of the blog but college is still for contemplation. Forget mondays. I still have to finish some homework for tomorow and it's almost 1 am. Goodnight!!

Song of the day: Basically by Catfish and the Bottlemen Get some random ass song, I just like catfish and the bottlemen.