attempt at a saturday | 3/29/25

[so i wrote this entire blog and it was super long and then i accidentally closed the tab and none of it saved. the following is my rewrite.]

i've stopped putting "diary entry" in the titles of these because i don't like how it looks and i think it's redundant since the date stamp implies that it's some sort of diary entry. it's amusing how my mind likes to organize information with language and syntax and whatnot.

anyways,

today i:

• became conscious at 7:45 a.m. after sleeping at 3 a.m. i stayed up last night listening to music, texting people who i honestly did not even want to talk to, and waiting for a video to render from the editing program. totally misused time, i could've slept at 12.
• i heard my dad downstairs and that's always a scary omen for me. his existence petrifies me so i stayed in bed until i heard my mom go downstairs and i could confirm that he wasn't mad. 45 minute anxiety session to start off my weekend. fun.
• 8:30 a.m. got up and listened to stratosphere by duster again. this is the first time in a while i've been addicted to an album so i'm letting my ears soak in it.
  
  while takanaka makes me feel like i'm at the beach, duster makes me feel like i'm on the moon.
  
  
• 9:00 a.m. helped my mom in the kitchen
• 9:15 helped my dad wash the car. surprisingly benign and harmless occurrence.
  
• 10:00 ate breakfast with family. also surprisingly chill time.
  
• 10:30 wrote a reply to a comment in my last blog about the myth of sisyphus.
• 11:00 texted a friend about their aspirations. man i think i spend too much time online.
• i don't remember what i was doing for a bit
• at some point i started catching up on ochem video lectures because i am sooo behind in all of my classes. i realized my attention/focus wasn't where it normally is and wrote a blog about it. i was cycling between taking notes, getting super impatient, and then taking a break. it was like pomodoro studying but instead of an actual timer it was just the natural clock of my waning attention span.
• 3:00 p.m. went on a practice drive with mom.
• 4:00 ate food and mom gave me talks about getting jobs and not getting fired from my volunteer position at a hospital. i hate that i have this volunteer position to commit to... i love volunteering there but damn is my life so exhausting.
• youtube bedrot sess ft. jacob collier
• 5:00 took a nap, sort of. i lay in bed and half-watched the daylight fade out of my room. i was in some sort of state of mental abandonment. i wasn't really tired but i felt so done. at some point i heard my parents talking about college stuff and it made me feel like FUCK! so i put on headphones and listened to duster.
  
• 8:30 got up and got tea from downstairs while my dad wasn't there. overheard him talking in an angry tone about something? i don't know if it was me-related but i think it was. when isn't something my fault?
• 9:00 wrote this blog while listening to the rest of the duster album
• accidentally deleted the entire blog
• 9:30 rewrote the blog while listening to daisuke fuwa, a free jazz hi-fi fusion artist (i don't know how else to describe their music) and checking out new musics. currently listening to shibu-yotabi by shibushirazu. good shit. jazz fusion for sure but not in a typical way. kind of combines different national folk musics with jazz? super diverse, can't really describe it.
• honestly when i deleted this blog i was annoyed for a second but i kind of liked the challenge of having to rewrite it. i once accidentally closed my DAW after spending 3 hours writing drums for a song and i simply reopened the program and rewrote the whole thing. all on a school night. it kind of gives me a firmer understanding of what i had worked on. in this case, a better recollection of my day.
  
• 10:00 p.m. now i'm here!