how do you handle with that

also how do you truly handle with that... fucking you over. I don't get what's truly clear of that and me but i don't understand how to handle it because that did it. deciding to pull that trigger and now everything is broken but i don't understand in which way 

no easy healing close to that in a situation like this and watching while you drown from a cage at the shine of that doesn't seem any fun at all 

and now everything is like fucked over and i don't know if this is actually gonna help me at all or is saying it gonna solve anything? i guess it's gonna do something for a part but lots of other things are gonna break which i don't care. funny how i can encourage others to speak up while i am so particular about keeping shut myself. there's just so many other things around and 

i think that maybe if i decide to give it some meaning over the events of that then sometime i'll be gifted with better times for myself. i think that at least in the sense of loose rules that i give of my existence all this suffering might not mean nothing but maybe it can be exchanged for the opposite calmer times later. more safe and specially sweet. but yeah so like that's it? also how is anything clear of what i'm doing because the direction i'm taking is like i'm still being walked through and caged in a way 

just time 

just raise your hands, cause there's hope