Right Now

I eat my hands 
so they don’t stay idle. 
The metallic skin between my lips
reminds me of right now 
not staying like this forever. 
And my parallel is surviving 
far worse things 
right now
or far better…
How can one iris spilt right now? 
A lighter shade shows hope and happiness 
if all bends accordingly.
Never breaks 
for a single second. 
And the other is holding my reflection.
The person you die arm and arm with.
Always yourself and no one else.
I think I’m going to be sick. 
Feel good for a second.
Feel sick the next. 
I’m not the girl who exists 
between two irises. 
If I believed in only a fraction of
myself as I do him 
this wouldn’t even still be a question…
I wake up in sweat from dreams of 
classroom ridicule. 
Girls are sweet until they’re not.
Girls are cute until they’re not. 
I welcome my hunchback and 
the inevitable shrinking of self.
Draw daisies on my house.
Pretending a man or thirteen 
never touched me once.