3/26/2025

ive been starting to feel rlly fat and ugly again.

i mean, i try pretty decently with how i look. ig sure i dress sort of baggy or like idc, but i care sm abt how i look. i hate it when my outfit isnt put together well, i hate it when my hairs not coperating, i hate it when i just overall look bad. it makes me feel terrible.

i hate it 2 bc i get so jealous of everyone, even the ppl closest 2 me. they all look amazing and i genuinely feel so weird.

and ive been comparing my body sm to others, even comparing it with close friends or ppl rlly close to me. i feel like im rlly not enough. i feel fucking fat and stupid. i mean ive lost a lot of weight since the past year or 2 ig, since ive just kind of gave up on eating. but it feels like even if i starve myself its not enough. im not skinny enough. i hate it. i hate how i am sm it makes me so mad and upset.

yet theres rlly not 2 much i cant do abt it ig. i try to change myself alot to try and be able to love myself, and sometimes it works. sometimes i'll like it, but only for such a short period of time before i feel so ugly again. but then some mornings or days i'll feel skinny, or like i look good. but then it just returns to the same feeling of me being so insecure, and i rlly dont know what i look like. im scared of that. it terrifies me. i want to know how others see me so badly. it rlly does genuinely scare me to think that this whole time i rlly am right, and im an ugly fat piece of shit and thats how others see me. i want to look good. i always do. i hate looking bad sm. i want to constantly look good for my bf or friends, eitherwise i feel so embarrassed

idk its been one of the main things thats rlly bugging me in my head lately