Musings H2

At this point, I'm not entirely sure what to do to reverse the damage that I've caused, so I'll wait patiently for some sort of sign, perhaps from the universe, perhaps from you. 

My attempts to warn people about my mental health are always futile. They see the softness, kindness, empathy, compassion, warmth. What they don't see is the void, the abyss. There's no outrunning it; it will always catch up to me and when it does, the best I can do is weather it alone in hopes that it won't negatively impact any of my loved ones. Unfortunately, I'm not always successful. 

This is one of those times in which I wasn't successful. Nothing explosive happened. No harsh words were exchanged. But I withdrew deeply into myself, and you felt the warmth replaced with the chill of my absence. It's painfully noticeable. Despite knowing this, in those moments I'm powerless to do anything other than let it run its course and hope certain pieces of my life are still intact when the dust clears. 

I think that people will inevitably pull away when they peer behind the veil. This just speeds up the process. Perhaps for the better, perhaps for the worse.