camp

i have been to a lot of summer camps since i was a kid. i got kicked out of a few, i think. a kid once punched me, i punched him back, then he would cry to counselors that i hit first. im unwilling to cry to gain support for myself, but he would. so his tears combined with his lies got me kicked out and he stayed. some guy id never met before took me home in his truck. the drive must have been 3 hours. he called someone on the phone halfway through and said "i didnt know it was gonna be this far!" to i guess someone from the camp. when i got home i almost cried. i had felt fine until then, but the colors of my house and the feelings of the air tore me apart. i was 9 or 10 years old, my body felt so small in the chair i sat in when i got home as strange feelings took over me. i couldnt take being there, i dont know what upset me so much.

i think i got kicked out of the same camp again. i dont know, ive been there three times i know that. they let me back the next year after kicking me out i guess.

recently the last time i went to summer camp is when i was 16. this one i used to go to when i was a child with my family. it was amazing, the trees, the pool, rock climbing, and the pancakes. the myths and legends of people dying there. it used to be so beautiful, but the camp leaders stopped using the location i went to as a kid and moved their operation to some new place. the camp is a relgious camp, but the new location was multi-use and during other parts of the year was used by a totally different religion. funny i guess. that year it was terrible. everything was politcal and weird. i didnt want to go to this camp, i never wanted to go to any. my mom always made me against my will. i guess she was right in the end, i usually did have a decent time, just not this time.

ive never had friends near home so being forced around people that i had no choice but to befriend was nice. the relationships there were the only time i ever had in-person love. a lot of people liked me, i liked some people too. i went on a walk with a girl, it turned into a hike and she lit something on fire and put it out with her hand. she had wound wraps on her wrists i think. we swapped sweaters, and i slept in hers. she tried to kiss me, but i didnt kiss her. this camp used to be the sight of a mental asylum where abuse against patients took place. there were strange carvings into the rocks we saw on our hike. they were probably done by counselors but they still amazed me at that age, i guess i was 12. the darkness of the rooms didnt make sense. sometimes i saw bright lights coming through the blinds that cut through the room. the shower always felt completely dark, but i dont remember washing in the dark.  the corridors of this small cabin confused me even then. there was 90 degree turns from the bedroom into the shower. i cried myself to sleep one night at age 11 at this camp, i dont remember why. one morning we stayed in, i did at least. i would awake and things in the room would change, then i would sleep, wake again, and things were in different places again. people disappeared.

i will probably be a camp counselor this year, bringing my exerience as a camper to its end.