Toxic Traits !

Blog ~ Diary

Toxic Traits !

3/25/25 (technically 3/24/25)

So as I stated last blog about like you know the whole ready for a change thing..that ain’t gonna happen ANY time soon. So the “opportunity” I mentioned that was a good fit for me and was gonna be a “big step for me” or whatever I said has plans for another person and I do sincerely hope that manifestation becomes successful because their genuinely an amazing person and I’m so lucky I’ve got to grow close to them. 

 I know blogs are supposed to be about your day or whatever but I feel like I want to be a more relatable public source that teens can read and be like “oh I didn’t know other people felt like that” or “THATS SO REAL OMG!!” But most importantly I want to track my personal growth and share what my personal experiences and thoughts with people of all ages, shapes, and sizes! So starting with some experiences or thoughts I'd like to share or more ask you guys is..have any of you guys just been so disappointed by life that you just shut out and tune in whenever you decide to? Because I feel like whenever I get told something I don't want to hear or I hear something that's gonna affect the rest of my day I just tune out everything and everyone and come back only when I want to be present. For example, when I found out the person I liked had other plans to pursue someone else I kind of just went on autopilot for the entire day. No thoughts, No words, complete silence unless I'm told or forced to speak. And I can admit it IS a toxic trait of mine but then again NOBODY on the internet is perfect. I feel like growing up on the internet I was always seeing everyone living their best lives and painting themselves to be this perfect self. And whenever I compared my portrait to theirs it was never as creative or exciting or beautiful as theirs. I personally like blogging because I'm allowing people to see that YES everyone has toxic traits, nobody is perfect like they paint themselves to be. 

 Another toxic trait I feel comfortable sharing is my drastic need to make things happen the way I want them to EVEN if I can't control it. If my intuition tells me something is supposed to happen and I force myself to make it work and it doesn't then I overall ruin something that never needed to be fixed or end up harming myself in the process of making [said thing] happen. In shorter words..I'm quite the bossy individual who tends to put myself in situations that are 100% avoidable. 

 I mean the list of things that are considered "toxic traits" can go on. But to be fair society has made a construct of things that are "red flags" or "if [they] do this leave instantly!" But not only does this shame people who may show these traits get shunned, but they then feel ashamed to show their full self and heal from those harmful traits. When I say toxic traits I do not mean the clearly harmful traits like "cheating" or relationship stuff because that's a COMPLETELY different ballpark that I have no knowledge in so yeah but obviously all horrible. OH ANOTHER THING!! 

 Just a big fear of mine is getting into a relationship and the partner losing interest. I don't know why that's such a big preventer for me but just I guess it's like apart of the teenage insecurity starter pack. Like just knowing that theirs so many other kids that could be a cooler fit for my partner can just triple my already existing anxiety. But then again, truth and faith is imperative in ANY relationship so it really shouldn't be such a worry for me. If anyone has seen the show "Win or Lose" on Disney+ then you'll understand the connection I'm about to make. 

!! PIXAR SHOW WIN OR LOSE SPOILERS!! !!SKIP TO NEXT INDENT!! 

In season one episode six; "Mixed Signals" It focuses on characters Yuwen and Taylors relationship and how it grows throughout the span of a week. (average middle school relationship ahh) Even through the perspective and writing of a kids show the writers managed to capture the insecurity every kid goes through in a relationship or just in general. Kids want nothing more but to be able to be seen as just as similar to the next kid so when they spot things that might be out of the ordinary they eliminate it. When Taylor and Tom expressed any kind of bond/relationship Yuwen saw everything he was not IN Tom and felt the need to exaggerate himself to gain Taylors attention. An example of this was when Tom brings up his brother and Yuwen steps up and latches himself onto Taylor (for confirmation she was really his) to talk about the fact he "consumed his brother in the womb". Taylor was obviously annoyed by his behavior causing Yuwen to shrink and get visibly upset by the whole interaction. I think at the end of the episode where they flash back to night of the championship it shows the distance and harm insecurity can cause beautifully. Just the whole scene of Yuwen constantly throwing the ball wishing he was more and more like Tom even though Taylor never tried to reach out and be with Tom during their relationship is so well done. Many kids tend to ruin their own success by focusing on failures that were never destined to be created in the first place. Like I said I do, I create problems that are 100% avoidable and Pixar normalizing the fact that MANY kids do that makes me feel more and more comfortable to share that and be my whole self. Now am I saying "HECK YEAH!! IM PROUD OF MY TOXIC TRAITS?" HECK NO. I'm just saying that many people pretend not to have any but "..around 1.3 million people share their negative traits online" states Truity.com. I'm really glad pixar is sharing this with kids and letting them know it's OKAY to not be perfect and it's OKAY to have these insecurities and issues as long as you try or tend on getting better. If you don't try to get better than that's a whole different thing.

!!SPOLIERS DONE!!!!

 I done wrote a whole analysis on a 8 episode kids film. I think I got my messages across with this one and hopefully I made you guys reading realize that it is OKAY to have issues. We ALL do. Heck, I think everyones a little bit mentally insane just a tad and nobody is fully "normal". The word "normal" doesn't even exist because the "normal" is changing everyday. First it was "normal" to be in a straight, same race relationship with picket fence norms (Women clean and cook and Men fight and work). Then it became "normal" to let Women work and support themselves as well as experiment in different fields. (Still same dating norms.) Then it became normal to see two guys in love and embracing each other while being different race, religion, and political view all while breaking picket fence norms. The norms are changing everyday so don't feel the need to catch up so quickly. You shave your legs because its "normal" then the next week "hair positivity" is back in trend. It's funny because the same people who promote body positivity are constantly changing to fit the norms everyday. Speaking of does anyone know that one content creator who was like a asian girl and she would promote body positivity to really skinny girls about like being flat and whatever? WELL TURNS OUT she was promoting eating disorders this ENTIRE time. {insert fake shocked emoji}. Okay, that concludes todays yap session/blog if you came this far DM me a strawberry or kudo or comment! If you have any feedback or anything my DMS are always open. ONWARDS AND OUT!!