vent

I was so desperate to find a new people and you know, relationship. few days ago. but now I dont need that. after getting dumped over a 10 times, I find out that Im not attractive. Im not a good person or whatever. they just want me to see heartbroken and sad. 

I used to be so extrovert and outgoing person until bad shits happens and it changed my whole personality and stuff. I loved being with my friends. I loved going outside and have some fun with them. but people ruined it. they trying to destroy me and it did. they made me think that Im such a loser and ugly asshole. they made my self-esteem fuckin low and never apologize. 

I just dont know wtf is wrong w me. everything is same. everything I see is black and white. I feel empty. nothing is special. nobody told me one single nice/sweet stuff face to face.

everybody is living their own life, achiving their goals. but Im still stuck here. unable to leave the house. being gaslighted by my own father. still stuck with memories with my middle school bullies, my brother who abused me(5 years). 

unable to make my dream come true. (singer-songwriter)

I dont need help or something like that. I already lose hope and stuff. I dont have friends or family.

everything u have is what I dont have.