listening to My World

a week ago I promised myself I would give up drinking. then I spent a moment mourning the raw drive for peace that accompanies curling over a toilet bowl. I broke my streak.

yesterday I noted down that the air smelled like unroasted coffee beans. we used to have a coffee tree. every november when I was younger we'd pick the berries, ferment them, hull them, then roast them. I never tried the coffee

I feel like im going crazy

for now I can fill the hole with beautiful images and pictures.

last night I experienced auditory hallucinations for the first time. I got very invested in the conversations I was hearing, but it was if I was too far away to contribute. i can compare it to tinnitus in the way that the sound was constant but you could focus in on parts. if I stopped listening I would still hear it, but instead as a blanket of sound . I remember a woman softly crying for help and somebody singing a song. the music kept fading out but never got quieter

im going to explore the World Wide Web. thank you