the day I experienced real grief

The day I experienced real grief, was the day I lost myself. Because the feeling was soon replaced with numbness. I dont feel anything. No dream, no love, no drug can fill that emptiness that lingers inside my body. Goals become useless, food turns into poison, cigarettes won't get enough, You don't know wether to live or die, because both of them won't solve the need for nothing. Your body becomes your worst enemy, and there's nothing you can do. Do I want help? Do I want to be happy? To be loved? There's no answer to this. Everything you hear and see gets blurred, and you forget who you used to be before your soul decided to shut down your body because it couldn't bear any more pain. You cannnot make anyone understand what's happening inside your body, because the hurt let go of your hope & made your rot into the endless cycle of emptiness.