OpenND (Natural Dumbness) :P

Heyy, I just put my last entry from a week ago public... I don´t know exactly why I am doing this, but, rationally it makes 0 sense to just throw personal thoughts like that, but it also may be healthy to just have this 100% open place, that´s exactly what I know I need to do now: just be more open, just go with the flow and don´t put so many expectations on how I should act. My high school friends once said I was extremely closed, which show how closed I was, since this was my already "more open" version if you asked my "middle school" class (I am putting it in "" because I am not from the U.S. and the school system is a little different in my origin country, so it is the closest translation).

Unlike my last Friday, this time I didn´t had a "bad feeling" and all classes went really great (also unlike my last Friday, this time I was extremely sleepy, so maybe sleep deprivation is actually the key for happiness lol). Going back to the oversharing, the main thing I (tried) to talk about last time (no idea how badly it is written, I had to do something else, so it was made really quickly) was about understanding how I work, what motivates me, but not knowing how to change it. Like... I know that external approval is my main drive in life and that I am sad if I don´t get it and normal (albeit my "normal" is pretty anxious) when I get and I am now seeing how unsustainable this is, but how can I change it? Is it even possible at this point? I know that the answer lurking in the head, if someone is reading right now, is therapy, but even with therapy how much would it be possible to actually change the way of living life and how much it actually would be "just" managing what you already have?

A lot of questions, maybe be answered another time, since ironically I have an obligation and have to go now. If there is someone there, wish you a great day!! (I really genuinely do wish it S2, just to be clear, but look how I am even kind of craving approval from an imaginary reader...).

Musics of now: Darkest Dungeon ost and Bernadette.