my friends are far far away

So, recently my friends got in the same college together and this is basically killing me.

I'm really happy for them, because it's the school we all wanted to be in the first place. The bad thing is that I didn't get in. Now their classes have started and they're about to experience the best years of their lifes because they're together and can see each other for 5 days of the week. So what's left for me? Go to boring classes, feel alone and only hang out with them twice a month? This is not a life, it's basically hell. At least it's my version of hell.

I finally have some freedom about where I want to go and I can't do anything because my friends are away, studying with other people from our high school, having lunch together everyday. And I'm here, stuck in a class where nobody wants to talk with me because they already have their little groups. And I can't afford to ditch class, that means I can't scape and go somewhere else. That's not the point anyway.

Right now, this sounds like I'm being desperate but what happens next? Now they're talking to me through texts, what if they don't need texts anymore since they see each other everyday? How long is it gonna be until they create another group without me in it? How long until they stop inviting me to hang out? How long until I open instagram and see a picture of all of them together having the best day of their lives?

I can take stop being their friend, I'll get over it at some point, there's a worst scenario anyway. I call it the 'Background' friend. You know when you have a lot of friends but you don't feel conected enough to them? Well, they're not connected to you either, because you're the background friend. The friend that always shows up, that's always there, but always sitting somewhere watching the other people talk, and if you're lucky to talk with someone, it's only for 2 minutes until someone else shows up. The background friend's only purpose is to fill the background. I have been a background friend for a few years during junior high. It felt horrible, I could feel that people around only talked to me because they were being polite. I can't be the background friend anymore.

I just don't want my friends to forget me.

Song of the day: Maggot by Dazey and the Scouts