I want her back in my life (sort of?)

after a history of jealousy, rejected love and SH threats, i finally added her back. 

I did her so dirty because I loved her. i unadded her on everything, avoided her irl, and hated on all her friends. Now I'm asking forgiveness on Snap. The only part that scares me is maybe being her friend again. I love her laugh, I love her sense of humor, i still love her a bit deep down inside (well, maybe more than that). I feel so desperate. I just wanted her back so bad. i feel like I'm about to vomit from all the anxiety.