I belive everything i want to..

  My own mind is a prison.. I cant go an hour without altering my own memories. I cant stop thinking. I wish i could breathe in, stop life, for like 5 minutes, exhale and go back to normal. 

  Anxiety is not for the weak.. I swear to god if i see one more person abandon me slowly because of a LITERAL RAPIST im going to end it! Even just hearing about the times i was riped away from people because of him makes me want to break down. For god sakes hes his own cult. And i garentee if he was nice to me again i would run back to him, open arms. 

  Even the thought of him feels like a mouse trap. I miss him so much but i cant stand the thought of him in my life, witch is weird because he is the only person i Imagined myself with...

  My good pal told me that hes probably jealous i moved on... Fuck, if he knew any of this he would think im trying to get hurt. I feel bad that i need him so badly, like the way i need a vice. It hurts me and probably others. I put on so many fronts but this one, me hateing him, is geting tiring. 

  Theres this cute girl at my school that likes me, i feel bad for not being able to reciprocate it. All because of an evil ass hole (me) still not knowing whats good for me.