He said hes straight.

so... bad news? and honestly im not as upset as i thought id be.  

yesterday sucked for a bunch of reasons. honestly, i havent been having a good time at school for a bit. but yesterday SUCKED.

i was already in a pissy mood. then that dumbass from the previous blog, who from now on ill call Jimmy cuz he said to me his favourite game is mouthwashing but i know lil bro probably likes jimmy in a bad way...

I wanted to hang around T, but of course Jimmy was hanging around him. he made a bunch of gay flirting jokes and then said "just to preface this, im as straight as you can get"

sigh. man.

to add more tomatoes to this shitty comedy special he even brought up that hug from last friday. the one that made me almost internally explode. he said something along the lines of "i didnt expect you to actually try and hug me, i was kinda thinking like what the fuck?"

i responded saying something like "ohh i just didnt know what to do hahaha" but in reality the second he mentioned me being close to him in any shape way or form my brain fucking died and i just said okay because the only words that were going through my brain was just "HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HUG TOUCH PRETTY BOYS AGHHJAH AGHHH"

it wasnt heart breaking, more dissapointing i guess. but then JIMMY. fucking jimmy pulls out his phone while im contemplating what building is going to be easier to jump off of, opens discord and hes only in like 3 servers. T's all like "why are you only in three servers lmao" So jimmy opens up a server thats hes in and im not really looking but T is. and T read out one of the channels and says "uh... gunplay?"

im like what??? and T is reading out more of these channel names. like actual crazy fetish shit and hes practically SHOWING us it. and then theres a channel called "genital torture". T doesnt even believe what hes seeing so he looks at jimmys phone even closer and then sees a full blown thing of genital torture. hes shocked, im shocked, jimmys just kind of sitting there. T says "okay i think thats my cue to leave" and LEAVES. im nervously laughing and then my nervousness turned into actual anger and i say to him very very loudly "what the fuck is wrong with you??" and he responds "hehe a lot of things" STFU YOU DUMB FUCKING CUNT

i went to my youth group and finally told my friends everything thats happened with jimmy and they told me i seriously need to tell him to go away, even if i dont like confrontation. so yea, fuck that guy im seriously never being nice to him again. 

but besides that whole nightmare, how am i feeling now about knowing my crush is probably straight. well the delusional part of me thinks maybe hes have a relisation or he'll wanna try things or something and hes not actually straight. but the more realistic part of me knows thats probably not gonna happen. still, he really interests me and i think he would be a good person to be friends with. so im gonna try getting closer with him anyway! which was a part of the plan anyway, if turned out to be zesty or not. so overall ik i can probably get over him if i need to. probably doesnt help that he keeps flirting with his friends bro. like we had cooking after all that and while i was washing my hands he went behind me and was like "good job washin your hands." i kind of awkwardly laughed and finished washing my hands and he was like "attaboy." RAGGGHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGDHHHHHHHHHS

anyway that happened.