the cool girl?

i usually have the  thought about constantly me being so cool and different and unique compared to the other, and i know that its a really stupid way of think, but its the only way ive been able to handle my anxiety. kind of mean, rigth? in fact im exhausted af thinking every second about any move or face or grin that i do by the fact to trying to not look bad or awkwark.. so basically what i try to say its that, in my head, im in like a "lets be the cool girl" infinite role play. sometimes is fun, sometimes not, at least it keeps me entretains.i guess.