anniversary's coming

Our first anniversary is coming in 2 days. I was excited. Why is that every month she makes me cry. She said she'll make it up to me, I'm still waiting. It's been four months since she first said it, every month is like that. I'm starting to question if I'm worth anything. I can't let her go. She doesn't want a break up. Maybe she's not that mature yet, but I can't see any change. She's stuck at her past (family and friend issues), that's alright, but she keeps on thinking negatively, maybe that's why it results negatively too. My cousin, we're very close, for sure she'll tell me how stupid I am even with my academic achievements. I hate loving being a fool. Why does loving a girl hurts more? I think I'm gonna die.