2025.03.12

[11:45am] i went to english today where we watched some more of our movie, and then i had to leave early for another doctors appointment. when i was telling this to my teacher, he couldn't really hear me because he had the movie turned up so loudly, so it was a bit awkward. then at the doctor as we were checking in there was a kid who was way more cooked than i am. he was in a mega wheelchair (one with oxygen and a heart monitor and stuff) and he was really swollen with his tongue sticking out. it looked like he may have had down syndrome too. bro was going through it. when i grow up, if i ever have a kid i was hoping to adopt a disabled kid, most likely one with down syndrome, but every time i see a kid like that going through some crazy medical things i reminds me of how hard it would be. but anyways, i got my blood pressures taken and i had to roll my sleeve up for it which was weird because most of the time they can do it through my sweatshirt. anyways i got my height and weight and all that done as well. then we just sat down and talked forever. i told her about my little incident yesterday and she dismissed it as anxiety. i don't believe her though because we were literally doing nothing in that class besides some little review sheets and it was like the least stressful math class I've had all year. my mom said her theory is my blood pressure just randomly dropped, because my symptoms were similar to when i passed out of heatstroke over the summer. maybe it was just one of those weird bodily malfunctions where it goes crazy and then locks back in idk. anyways i need to wear a medical ID at all times now which is a bit crazy. and every time my mom had a good question for the doctor, she would just say "that's for the interventional radiologists to answer." the only other new piece of information she gave was that i can't scuba next week. which is really upsetting because i was super excited to finally scuba in the real ocean. it's my dream. and the past 4 times i was gonna do something like this, it got cancelled. first we went to the Bahamas and my mom went out to rent snorkelling gear for us but decided it was too expensive so we just sat at the beach all day, which didn't suck but i was still a bit disappointed. then after my big clot my family went to the Bahamas again and left me behind because i was a liability. then we went to Florida and were planning on snorkelling but my dad forgot to actually reserve the stuff for us so we just watched other people snorkel. and for the trip to Mexico next week i was going to get scuba certified and then that got cancelled and turned into just another scuba intro. and now that's gone too. so idk im just upset about that because i really love the ocean and want to be a marine biologist and its frustrating being so close to finally getting to be in the ocean like that and then having it be cancelled over and over again. and i don't even know why its not allowed. the doctor said im gonna have my clot just sitting there smoothing out my stent for the rest of my life, so ill always be at the same risk for pulmonary emoblisms and everything. and she said i cant scuba next week but can scuba afterwards, which makes no sense because if things arent gonna be changing then either i can always or i can never scuba. and we arent even gonna be that deep since im still not certified, and no one is explaining to me why its an issue in the first place. i know you can get bubbles in your blood if you go down too quickly, but i wont be that far down at all. and if they're worried about me getting a pulmonary embolism, im literally being fed oxygen while scuba diving and am on bloodthinners, which is the exact treatment for it anyway. I'm just so upset about all this, i don't mind going to the hospital and stuff but i really do mind not being able to do the only thing i was looking forward to. anyways i went home and watched the rest of my movie for english while eating some dumplings, and now i need to write my essay because it's due in a couple days and i haven't even started or come up with what i want to write it about lol

[6:15pm] i worked on my essay a little and got bored lol. i was gonna do my anatomy homework but realized i forgot to get the paper so i cant start that until tomorrow. i tried to just play roblox but i wasn't feeling it, so i decided to practice the investing game for ap macro. we are gonna play soon and whoever gets in the top 5 gets extra credit. i am getting a lot better and maybe have a shot at this (i don't wanna jinx it though haha). finance was a good class today because all we did was take notes and watch modern family. i love that class, its so easy and chill. when i was walking out of school i saw the tiniest dog ever. its about the size of a license plate, maybe a little shorter horizontally. it was very cute but i didn't get a great picture of it because i got scared lol. anyways im gonna go make dinner, im thinking of having some spicy chicken strips and watching some true crime. oh also i showered earlier and listened to my liked love songs, and it made me want a girlfriend so badly lol. im hoping once im in college i can get one lol.