French school and its consequences :D

Hey , 

I was thinking about how school destroy myself (sorry for the sad topic). Since elementary school , I always felt different. Everyone called me "intellectual" , well in french it's "intello". But anyways , I thought that was unfair like why I have this nickname just because I used to work at school to make my Mom prouds of me and I wanted to be sure that I can do whatever study I want with a good report. And I understood that with the pressure of my classmates and my parents to have always good grades because I'M the intellectual... I became perfectionist. And I'm so hard with myself. I still struggles with it (for example I'm mad at myself when I get 15/20 or when my friend has a better grade like 17 or 18/20). I don't know if that's interesting but I'm just curious if that's normal. Plus that with my social anxiety which came in middle school it wasn't easy. Everyone around me started to think I had school phobia. And I understand why , I literally cried many times before going to school and I used to beg my parents to not go there (I wasn't bullied). I was just scared of people , and disgusted by how judgemental they were (and homophobic). Like how many teachers said nothing about the horrible things students said... Anyways , I hate school. I feel so lonely and still weird even in Highschool.