Diary entry: 11th March 2025

Well today fucking sucked

I was getting by yk? I was struggling but I was surviving and even doing well in school. And then today happened. My doctor didn't give me any refills on my script for my antipsychotics so now I'm going to be without them and what I want is to go on a higher dose. And I'm not going to be able to see my gp until april!!!!. I'm suffering over here.

I know I'm supposed to be trying to stop self harming but like at this point it is genuinely the only option available to me. My gp doesn't want to give me the drugs I need because she doesn't want me to gain weight when I could literally not care less. Like I don't care how much weight I gain if it makes the voices quieter.

I'm behind on schoolwork now because I spent all day wallowing in misery and cutting myself. 

My gf wants to take me to see a different gp but I don't have high hopes because the one I'm seeing is the best one I've ever seen and apparently that's not good enough so I think I must resign myself to never getting the treatment I need and just living in pain and cutting myself to stay alive...