2025.03.10

[11:45am] i had a hard time sleeping last night. i stayed up. late searching up videos of vein bypasses since there's a possibility I'm getting one soon, and omg it looks AWFUL. and my mom kept telling me to watch out for a pulmonary embolism, so i searched that up, and omg its even WORSE because it could literally kill me within days. and when i finally got to sleep i had dreams that i was having one in my sleep and i couldn't breathe and was hyperventilating and then i finally woke up and was like "oh. ok good nice." and then went back to sleep and it happened over and over again lol. then i went to school in the morning and we were really late because of my sister. idk why she was so late but we pulled in the parking lot for school after class had already started. usually we sit in the lot for several minutes before we have to get out, so she was like 20 minutes later than usual. in English we just watched a movie which was nice. i don't like the movie but it's better than a socratic seminar. i asked my mom that since i could technically die any day now if i still have to do socratic seminars, and she said yes :'c very sad. anyways then i had Spanish where we did nothing but packets. omg and the whole time in English i was paranoid about me dying and i kept checking my pulse to make sure i wasn't getting to worked up, and in Spanish i had a little knot in my chest and thought that was the end LOL. but im good :)) at the end of class i got a message from the hospital that more blood work came back. it turns out i don't have some rare form of leukemia like google told me (why does it always say you have cancer whenever you search symptoms ??) i just have a super rare autoimmune thing. it's some genetic mutation that makes me 5x more likely to have a blood clot. which makes sense because I've had at least two in less than a year and im just a teenager lol. anyways then i went home for my off period and ate some microwave dumplings. my dad was in the room talking at me so i turned on some videos for him that were like "guess the city by the aeiral view" and "top songs from every year" and it made him go catatonic so i could scroll on my phone and sneak up to my room lol. he is so easily distracted, guest mode youtube recommendations are like his cocomelon. anyways now im up in my room and i wanna draw some loona girls.