Older women (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)Mixture of aroace and lesbian & Toxicity (Blog #2, 9th March 2025)

Hi, if you've read my general on my profile, you would be informed that I am an aroace lesbian. Some might ask how that combination is possible. It has a simple response: I feel barely any romantic attraction and the barely attraction is reserved for women (non-men) (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

Therefore the no sexual attraction is absolute. My brain doesn't process sexual situations at all and I have no interest in it. While this can also be applied to aromance, I also am not actively seeking a relationship. I do catch small crushes on older women (⁠〃ﾟ⁠3ﾟ⁠〃⁠)

-⁠✯⁠O✯-

I think this small attraction could be problematic in the unforeseeable future. I didn't have a superb experience with women while growing up. For unknown reasons, I always managed to attract toxic older women and I fall for them every damn time. Even worse, I let them hurt me??????? It's a complexity. I am aware of the reason behind it, but it's still so arghhhhh (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

Now something really bamboozling, I distaste adults. 

Pfffff- 

I actually do, I distaste them. I hate their patronising tone. I hate their "righteousness" behaviour. I hate their overall being. ಡ⁠ ͜⁠ ⁠ʖ⁠ ⁠ಡ

Don't ask me how the combination of an attraction to older women and a distaste for adults work out together. Whenever they use that tone (I don't know how to describe it), my knees feel weak and my head feels like cotton. It's more of a platonically leaning feeling than a romantic one (⁠ᗒ⁠ᗩ⁠ᗕ⁠)

I contemplate never entering a relationship with an older woman (or overall entering a relationship). What if I lose my independence? What if they are manipulating me? What if I lose my tread in life and won't achieve my dream job? .⁠·⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠(⁠>⁠▂⁠<⁠)⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠·⁠. 

Despite that, my dream woman (non-men) doesn't even exist and I am unattractive anyways soooo Ü

-⁠✯⁠O✯-

This can be considered a rant. I don't know to what to align/categorize it as. Eventually as a rant.

What was the point of formulating this blog? To avoid writing the geography essay that's due to Wednesday 

Welp, bye-bye (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠)