Day 4 of getting jilted in broad daylight then walking miles

It's Saturday!! Yeah no shit, you're probably thinking but like uhh you're right. Im a little lax on the weekends so I'll tell you the things I did do and then some other shit. Okay? Today was... uhhh it was. Yeah. I Hate the weekend... yeah fuck you, Abel! So yeah thats today and my goat didn't drop either so what's the point. We can talk about my goat later on. I didn't think about how this would be organized so I'll just go through my day.

Reading - I did some reading! Lots of reading. What's lovely is reading first thing in the morning. Reading at night is great but like having to find the right lighting and shit but reading under the morning light is peak, like the sun is a spotlight on your page. I love it. So today, I got to a quote by Malcolm that I really love. I misinterpreted it before as him being like black people should act one way and not any other way but I got him twisted. He's just very angry, at himself most of all and he obviously directs that anger towards people who remind him of a younger Malcolm. The part I'm talking about is his first big step to self degradation as he calls it. Getting his hair conked or straightened out to look more like a "white persons" yk we live in a time where black people can get their hair straightened because they like and not to appeal to white standards but in Malcolm's time people obviously did it to fit in with white people. Anyway, hair is also super important in black communities even today. If you know a black person and they decide to go from straight to Curly hair just like compliment it. For some people that's still kind of a big step, to be able to stick to their natural hair like that. Anyway, Malcolm looks back on his first conk and how this bright eyed boy vowed to never wear his hair Curly ever again. 

The way he looks back on it is with so much anger and sadness too as he recounts it. Like he pays special attention to the pain. The way he burned his hair and skin with lye for what? To fit in with white people. Especially when his hair wasn't even bad to begin with. He has a hatred for these types of black people excuse the language here but I am black myself so I am allowed he calls these people like "uppity negroes" or later on "hill negroes" because of the area he lived in. The more upper class black people who acted like white people lived in the hill. So I can definitely understand that hatred and this was when he fell in love with the so called "ghetto" people. That word has a slightly more violent connotation now but I think he just meant like black people who really took being black in stride and with pride and don't let the word ghetto fool you, that's what he called the place they hung out, they mostly just danced and dancing is also important in black culture, especially in more African nations.

Thrifting - I went thrifting afterwards. I bought myself a shirt. I need to flesh out my wardrobe more. I need more daisuke style shirts. I've got a black, Hawaiian shirt. It looks so nice. But this time I bought a grayish band shirt so I can style that with pretty much anything. Next time I go, I just wanna look for a tote bag and maybe some books, if I don't get those I'm just gonna buy something to eat. 

Health//Fitness - me and sis ate oats and did a house themed workout. Okay so when they say certain words you do certain exercises. So like "patient" that's 5 crunches. It wasn't too tiring actually but like just kind of annoying. It was a good episode, a damn good episode and we were exercising and shit the whole time, I couldn't focus on it. Also barely any Wilson so 0/10. Twink wilson in season 1... HOT HOT HOOOOTTTTTTT. Sorry, i don't know what came over me there. 

Chores - chores after and idk I was feeling really sluggish today. Just not having it. Well i still did my shit without complaints, just like dawg I felt like I was gonna collapse. Idk why at that point I had just had my oats and oats can sustain me for longer than they should. I ate at noon, that was about 1 when I cleaned. Usually I'd eat my oats at let's say 8 or 9. Get hungry again at 1. I wasn't hungry tho just fucking tired like I gotta nap tired. Chores aren't interesting. While doing them I listened to AN INSATIABLE HIGH which is very relaxing. My parents came home during that one and disturbed the listening experience damn. That's all I ask sometimes just don't bother me during a jazz album. I'll let it slide since it's jazz fusion but if this was post-bop or bop or modal jazz, I'd be pretty upset... kidding of course. I really don't like being bothered while cleaning though. I don't meditate atleast not in a conventional way with the cross legs and hmmmm. To me meditation is me and a craft for a sustained period of time, something I don't have to think about and where I can let my mind wander. 

Yeah I just said doing the dishes was meditative, call me a nerd already. I also listened to Scott 4 by Scott Walker. Can I talk about this for a second

Scott Walker - If you like Lingua Ignota or the doors... Scott Walker is for you. Lingua compared to a psych band is pretty crazy but get this... yk how people say radio head had the greatest left turn in music history. Okay shut up, you're wrong. Scott walker did. He went from baroque pop type music to like industrial? It's actually so impressive and his vocals have a clear influence on Ms. Ignota too. Listen to Scott Walker, guys. I'd say Scott 4 for the baroque and Tilt for his industrial (but I like the drift better. Tho Tilt is a better place to start for the industrial shit). 

My goats - I wound down and got ready to see a post from my goat. He's a writer I love and he posts every 2 weeks. I'm gatekeeping tho, if you're interested just dm me, I'm too embarrassed to put it here. It reminds me I went online in a server I'm in and I just typed like yo or something and they were like "sorry moth, we were glazing..." and I don't want that to be me. I don't wanna glaze him and be like sorry, w****f I was glazing... he didn't post today. I hope he's okay. Okay here's my other goat.

Idk why i love her so much but she's a tiktoker. I don't usually care for tiktokers unless it's that guy who wants to fuck the Asian lady at the donut shop. And I don't even watch him. Anyway I think this woman just gives me whiplash. She calls herself plugmommy but not in a sexual way, idk why don't ask me and every video she starts off by saying "come (insert menial task like making breakfast for example).... WITH A FUCKING BIITTTTTTTCCCCHHHHH"  and then she lifts her shirt, also not sexual she does it in the way someone would in a movie to show you look I'm carrying a gun but there's no gun to be found. Then she says the randomest lore. Again if you want her account just dm me. Because like I'm lazy to get a link and also sorry, M****a, I was glazing... actually I mentioned her on my Twitter but her name sounds similar to someone i follow so it just seemed like I was infatuated with this random Twitter user. I'm not even infatuated with m****a I just, I'm intrigued by her. I want to study her.

Writing - massive writing session. But didn't get much done. Don't have any advice today. Sorry.

Rambles - I want to continue yesterday's thoughts but idk what to say and I'm better now. Idk something about trust. It used to tie in a lot with Jealousy because I couldn't trust that people enjoyed Time with me so I assumed they had more fun with others and thus became jealous, not really nowadays. I swear Jealousy can everything so I swear even if Im seasick with envy which isn't often, I'm not gonna do anything about it. Except maybe get my feelings out. But I'm proud! I grew past that flaw of mine through trust yeah but also working against it. Like let's say I have a friend I love their company, Jealousy would be like "keep them all to yourself!!" So I'd be like "hey, buddy, lemme introduce you to some people who share interests with you that I don't share" and that's where i developed trust. Trust that I wouldn't get jilted or something. Because that's kinda fucked up. Imagine someone jilting you in broad daylight and riding away on a Yamaha motorbike but it's never happened so my Jealousy just kinda died out. WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS??? I wanted to discuss something else. May I?

Rambles... AGAIN - I'm thinking a lot about choice. The way we can fall into different roles or different lives entirely based on how life pans out and our choices and that's kind of cool. I see this dealt with in art as a multiverse thing and you don't have to do that. I've always been kinda drawn to this in a down to earth way that you see the paths before but you dk where it leads snd its like pinball. What kind of person will I be?  Yk like what will you be??? And what's nice is coming up with little names for this. I think I heard an album like that a young man Contemplating how he will turn out and this album got me out of my writing rutt. 

Anyway, I'm tired my hands are sore but happy women's month. Tell your mother that I said hi btw. Good night!!