I just

  I don’t know. I’m currently crying as I write this, I feel really alone. I know I have people I can go to but for the past month or so it’s just felt like everybody is against me. There is not one friend i’ve had/have that has always been there. My parents taught me to be independent but for some reason whenever I meet someone new and we get close that person is like a life line to me. I don’t know, I don’t wanna be alone right now but my closest friends don’t answer texts or are going through something. I’m struggling in school, more irritable. I don’t know why but hitting myself had become an instant reaction when I’m upset. Is there anyone with adhd/autism who can tell me what their meltdowns look like? Also, I’m upset since my mom PROMISED multiple times things to me that she didn’t do. Promises are really important to me, and my friends (that i talk to) don’t answer. I know i already said that I’m just really upset. I’m always a second option. There is not ONE person who would put me above their other friends. I guess it’s selfish to say partners too but I just want to be cared for. Whenever my friends get a boyfriend or crush they ignore me for them. I try my hardest to be there even when that happens. I used to always been on the phone, I spend my days alone now. I keep checking for notifications but it’s just app reminders that I ignore telling me to take care of myself. I really need a hug. My friend hugged me today and I really needed that. The people who do hang out with me either fat shame me or make fun of me. I started to get better but my friend keeps calling me fat and I feel guilty and gross after I eat and a strong urge to vomit. My other one made fun of me for not doing illegal stuff but if my parents found out they would take my stuff and or beat me. So, I think I’m calm now I was really overstimulated 5 seconds ago. I don’t want people to worry about me if I tell them. I can take care of my self and handle my emotions. Anyway that’s all, buh bye stay amazing xoxo.