No plans Friday night

Friday night no plans. I was gonna do a bunch of work tonight and then go to York with Polsoc tomorrow but they announced yesterday that it's been cancelled due to train strikes :( 

So that's kinda fucked up my entire weekend. Imogen's in London for her big rowing race - its gonna be 18 degrees there, they're gonna go out afterwards, its gonna be mega. Sam's up in Glasgow for the Claude gig, equally if not moreso mega. (not that we could've hung out this weekend anyway, but I wanted to mention it because woaw! Sam's in Glagow with the Claude!)

I could've hung out with Angie but her mother's coming to visit. I'm 90% certain Maya's busy this weekend. I think she's doing something on Saturday night that she kind of tentatively invited me to but I can't remember what it was or who with and I don't wanna ask in case it's someone I don't like and then I don't even have an excuse not to go.

I'm trying to make plans with Ada because she likewise got screwed over by Polsoc's cancellation, and because she's a G who I wanna spend more time with. And because she's hosting this big paint and sip with the polsoc girls on the 14th which is Carys' birthday so I can't come.

I haven't been out in ages. The closest I've been to out was when Sam came up and we did our little college bar crawl - that was good. But I mean out out, I've not been to the klerb since like.... that time I went out with Imogen and Abi and then Holly joined and we bumped into all of the polsoc guys in Hatfield bar. And then we picked up Angie from hers at like midnight and got to the club just past 1 and then had to leave because the clubs close at 2am. That was ages ago.... but I've not even been feeling the need to go out. Like, I'm fine. I hang out with my friends, we do fun stuff together with or without alcohol. Like two weeks ago at Angie's. 

But I just... I feel like it's what I should be doing because I'm at uni and it's what everyone does and it's what I did last year. If I'm not at the club then where am I????

But it just doesn't feel worth the effort lately. I don't know, I think it's because I'm actually satisfied with my social life. I'm not craving seeing a billion people at once right now. When I was a bit lonelier that was a real pick-me-up, like even just seeing all those people gave me something. Now it's like, well as long as I've got me friends I've got a good time. And also the boy situation. If you've ever been out with me you know I go out on the prowl. Don't really need that anymore either....

 I just can't really be bothered walking around in the cold wearing a thin little going out top. I can't really be bothered dealing with myself drunk. 

See, that sounds a bit sad. It sounds sad but I don't feel sad. I don';t know. I mean it's lent anyway so I don't know why I'm bringing this up in the first place. 

I just wanna see it I think, I think that's it. The lights, the crowds, the music and the bass in the floor. I just wanna walk up a flight of stairs not feeling my legs and grabbing random girls by the arm to say hi because they're in one of my lectures. I wanna do a silly dance and then watch someone else do something stupid too, I wanna witness some obnoxious making out and say "sorry, 'scuse me" to a billion people whilst touching their shoulder with my cold hand to get them to move and then they turn around and we exchange earnest smiles in our full faces of makeup. Ghad I wanna see the pretty girls and the nonchalant guys and the groups of em shouting together. I wanna bump into someone from last year in the smoking area and later tell Imogen about how surprised they were to see me. mmmmmmmmm yes I understand it now. 

Next week, Carys' birthday.           And Sam and Manchester and Madame Claude and Millie.

This week, vespers and reflection.