i hate my mixtape

i released a mixtape on christmas day and i don’t like it. but i don’t know why i don’t. when i released it, i thought it was good but looking back this has so many flaws that could’ve been easily fixed. my production was really beautiful on the project, but the writing was extremely poor and came off as corny. i’ve been working on my writing and improved massively. but i’m still sad that the project i spent a year on was horrible and nobody liked it.

i think the reasons why it came out so terrible was because everyone was hyping me up and pressuring me. that made me want to live up to something and i was put under so much pressure by my peers. it gave me a lot of stress and i was overworking myself. at the time of this project, i was a perfectionist. when it comes to making music, or any art. abandon perfectionism. because that will only ruin your art more and more. that’s what happened with me with my mixtape. i’ve stopped being a perfectionist because i can’t function worrying about a simple drum loop or a complete verse. i’m glad because i feel like i improved by quitting being a perfectionist. i also stopped teasing my projects so much and been very secretive with things now. mainly to avoid people hyping me up. 

i’m kinda worried though, because there was a group of people who did enjoy the mixtape, but i feel like they will dislike my new music because i’m changing everything. i will find a new audience and i hope they’ll be supportive of my work. i just think the people who enjoyed my mixtape won’t enjoy and maybe hate my new work because i’m actually improving and they want me to stay shitty. it’s funny but i actually feel like that’ll happen. crazy.

i hope this music shit works out. i love music man, this is gonna be my life and i will make sure it will be. i feel under appreciated at the moment, like kanye before the college dropout. i’ve been overlooked for far too long, i love my friends and their music but it’s my turn for people to like my shit. i’m gonna make sure the next project is so good that it’ll be in constant conversations and i will promote the FUCK out of it. spamming on tiktok, ig reels and shit. i just want to be somebody.