autism

i lowkey think im on the spectrum and its taking up a lot of my brainspace. i fit a lot of the signs but that just might be my own problem and has nothing to do with autism. if i got diagnosed nothing would change, probably because i dont have autism.

anyway next point is that im getting therapy WOO HOO idgaf about the therapy im just happy i get to leave school three hours early. 

ive spent SO long gaslighting myself into thinking i have no mental problems that they manifested themselves into life. like yeahahhhh i hurt myself sometimes yadayada and yeahhhh im addicted to self harm but idgaf. im happy and no cahms worker is going to fix me. because theres nothing to fix!!!!!!! because im perfect!!!!!!!!!

daily affirmations:

-i am just like everyone else

-im not going to get shot next time i go outside

-there are no men who are planning on kidnapping me

- i am beautiful

-im not going to die

-i am happy

-no men are going to hurt me

-men are safe to be around

-i have no temptations to hurt myself

- my friends like me

-im a good person

daily affirmaions but they get more and more untrue. i want to die. can someone actually just blow out my candle of light. great metaphor i know.

i want to do better and study more and be happier but i just cant. i like sitting in my cardboard box and watching youtube. i hate studying.