uhm... so me and my crush HUGGED???????/

i was on the brink of tears today (if you didnt see my bulletin lol) and was very VERY near to leaving school early. i was already really fuckin sad and depressed this morning, i cant really pin an exact reason why. lately it feels like a lot of things arent exactly real.. i guess. 

Not only that, for one my drink bottle leaked all over my locker. it luckily didnt get in my bag, rather it formed a literal puddle in my lunchbox i had to pour into a bin. and the bottle KEPT leaking so it got all over a chair i had temporarily placed it on to go get toilet paper to clean it up. i was hoping that the last two hours of school i could use to do my awesome slide show we have for english. but that didnt even happen. instead, we did FUCKING COOKING. AGAIN. we have done cooking istg like 5 times over the last few school weeks. i was seriously not in the mood. now i was contemplating on leaving. but seeing how that guy who keeps being my cooking partner wasnt there... and T's friend wasnt there either my first thought was "if i dont get to be partners with T or at least get to be near him im actually just gonna leave"

and i dont know what the opposite of divine intervention is. divine.... whatever word means putting to things together. this mustve been it. i was just walkin around the kitchen when i saw him talking to our teacher and then the teacher mentioning my name and him looking RIGHT at me. 

so we're cooking partners. making fried rice. i dont know how to cook at all, and this guy works fast food (and is generally probably smarter than me). I knew i was going to fumble big time. he told me to get a wok and i got something completely different. then he said i should make the omlette cuz he doesnt know how and i watched my mum once. it turns into scramble eggs. then i burn them, then i nearly fucking DROP the wok somehow. and he decides to just make a new omlette. fair

he starts talking about breaking bad and how i should call him Heisenberg and im jesse now becuase we are cookin. he would refer to me as a boy a lot which made me really happy. everytime i do something right, even basic shit like putting the chopped onions and carrots into the pan hes all like "good job" which... AHHHDUIDBK

and i dont exactly know if this is a straight guy comfortable with his sexuality and hes just flirting as a genuine joke OR homo in some way shape or form thing but he kept saying that he loved me like when i would do stuff for him he'd be all like "i love ya percy" which just made me soooooooooooooooo RAGGHHHHAGHGHS i was def a bit red in the face the whole time. i didnt need a mirror, i could just feel it. 

my uh.. ehm... mistake. when i was helping him with stuff he for some reason made a joke saying "jesse you and i did great! once we finish this we should make out" and my whole entire body tensed up and i replied WAY too quickly and WAY too strongly "yes."

so uh... guys am i fucked fr. i prolly just outed myself wayy too early

but the thing that made me nearly fucking explode internally was when and i really have zero clue why he did this but leik when we were at the very end of our session and i was putting food scraps in the bin and he says a few quips complimenting me n stuff. then hes says "you want a hug man?"

WHAT

so i very very very very very veyr evyr egry awkwardly scoot over to him and like... its barely a hug. he kinda just wraps his arm around me. but oh my GOD. if i wasnt red before i was probably fuckin red asf. 

so uh

how about that???