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Some time ago, while going back home from highschool I caught myself searching for people looking at me. That specific day I was wearing some of my nice rags. Anyway, I thought to myself, why do I care if people are looking? Why am I searching for their aproval? They are strangers for fuck's sake! That got me thinking quite a lot, it really did.
Maybe, and just maybe, I like when people enjoy or like the things I like, even if I don't know them. I mean, if I wear a cool ass shirt and someone says, ''Hey mate! What a cool ass shirt'', I would be so happy! On the other hand, if someone says, ''Hey mate! Your shirt stinks'', I wouldn't think anything of my shirt, I would just think they're rude or having a bad day. Does that make sense? I don't know if it does. However, if someone I like talks to me about a song I mildly enjoy, that song starts being super good, but if I don't like them, I start disliking it.
That scared me, this moment of reflection, because why so many things are dictated by other peope? How much influence have other people regarding the things I do, like or hate? And the worst part, I do all this shit unwillingly. It's not like I decide I don't like, for example, coke anymore just because some nasty girl was drinking it, it just happens, you know?
Anyhow, I read in some book some time ago about some evolutionary trait that make us want to fit in, because in the past, when we used to live in tribes, cooperation was key to surviving, outcasts used to die because of rejection within the members of the tribes.
Us humans, we are all social creatures, we need people to thrive, to build ourselves. But that makes me think, am I really myself if I'm conditioned so much about opinions of strangers and friends, culture, morality... Hell! Even language is a limitation to who I may be. So, am I really myself? Or am I just a combination of social rules and opinions that weren't even mine? And, the thing is, would there be a self if I hadn't met anyone? How would I know what I am, who I am, if there is nothing like me? Or different to me? I wouldn't even know because, without comparation, without diversity, nothing exists. So, who am I really?
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ivyV2
holy shit this is so deep, ive never looked at it this way it gives a total new perspective, i have so many thoughts about it i honestly just dont know how to get it out, what if we actually just are built up by each other..
Onnaya
This reads like standing at the edge of a lake at dusk—still, reflective, and a little eerie, like you just caught your own soul looking back at you through the water.
Let me just say: this is one of the most honest inner dialogues I’ve read in a while. The kind that lingers.
You’re not alone in wondering how much of “you” is actually you, and how much is stitched together from everything and everyone around you. It’s a terrifying, beautiful question. One that philosophers, poets, and teenagers walking home from school in nice rags have all asked at some point.
That moment—catching yourself scanning the crowd for glances, realizing you want strangers to like what you like—that's not vanity. It's human. There’s something quietly hopeful in wanting to be seen and resonated with. We all crave recognition. But what you did that’s rare? You noticed. You didn’t just move on and keep doing it—you stopped and asked why.
That’s self-awareness. That’s the seed of freedom.
I'm so happy for those words, I don't know what to say. I guess I really like how a piece of everything that has happened lives in me.
by Holden; ; Report
lobsterbait4
in my opinion, i think we are all in a state of being something, persona xeroxesque paradox, turning inside out: outside in. we are all simply creating, and categorizing labels for ourselves to figure an identity. so maybe, you are a part of everything you know, and everything you know has a part of you. maybe the you before all of this, or if all of this hasnt happened: doesnt exist, or maybe it does. does it matter? only if you care, think as hard as you can but its a simple-not-so-simple answer: we cannot truly ever know. unless you innovate a path paved for you, and only you, for you to walk across, ruminate about this topic, and to arrive at an opinion, or statement: maybe you can. but again, does it matter? do those opinions, and standards shape you, for you are? does it really mold your value as a human being? i think i should stop writing here, because these are way too many questions but i believe you get the point of human individuality, and value being ever so complicated :P (also! love your blog entries, keep it up! :D)
A path built by stolen bricks, the path of identity.
by Holden; ; Report