entry 5

i feel like ive trapped myself somehow, i dont know how, but i know im trapped, and i know that its only me, and i who have done this to myself.

i cant believe that i actually do this kind of stuff TO MYSELF, and it honestly humors me. like woah! yes! go past me! go isolate yourself from everyone in your social circle, and then hope for someone to contact you because you want to feel loved! thats tooootalllllllllllllllllly the way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yea, go past me, go ahead, and respond to that ragebait letter from the person you DISLIKE with your GUTS, even IF  YOU LITERALLY DO NOT WANT TO EVER TALK TO THEM EVER AGAIN  thats TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE TOTALLLY.

im not mad, or anything, really. its just like me having fun, sometimes, running out, feeling drowsy, just ordinary stuff. oh yeah, reader! i just want to let you know that i created some fake RPG game banner art! its not really good (and thats really the reason why im not gonna post it here) but i had a fun time talking to myself while designing it. it was alright. also, id just like to recall when the most, life, mundane-thing happened to me. it wasnt really bad, good, sad, anything, it was kind of the feeling of electricity? i mean, its like if you were shocked, but you didnt feel pain, just a little vibration that kind tickled. the moment im talking about is when i was inactive for a long time in one my social media accounts and checked in to see if i had any messages, or really just people that wanted to talk to me but do you know what i was greeted with? 20 notifications! YAY! i was actually suprised (scared, infact, i thought i pissed someone OFFF OFF, haha), so then i clicked on the notification bar and saw it was all just promotional content from people that ive followed, alongside with a badge for how much posts i liked. i mean, i was relieved that i wasnt being attacked from all angles especially from an account i made when i was at one of the lowest parts of the year but its just kind of lonely,i just really wished someone saw me because i put effort into being myself. but thats all, gonna go eat dinner!

edit: dinners not ready yet :(